A wine lover celebrates a year sober.
When my year arrived on October 18th, I didn’t feel much like celebrating. In fact, I had to make myself take the time to go to a half-day spa treatment I had booked earlier to mark the occasion. I just wasn’t as excited as I thought I would be. The day felt like just another day.
One of the earliest ideas to stick with me before I quit alcohol was the thought that if you drink to celebrate wins and as a coping mechanism when you are sad, you are doing it wrong. It can’t be both. That opened up a lot of thought for me; which was it? That’s when I realized that it was everything to me. The wine came for me when I had a great day at work, got laid off, or got promoted. It came for me on National Dog Day, any friend’s birthday, the anniversary’s (the day we met, our first date, our engagement, our…well, you know), and pretty much any day that I felt like finding a reason. There was always a reason!
I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if I took alcohol out of the equation; how would I celebrate? What would I do when I was sad? How would I get through everything I had convinced myself that I needed wine to do?
One thing that keeps me sober is how badly I never want to do the first 90 days again. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I quit about two weeks before Halloween, and the holidays were a real trigger. Instead of using it as an excuse to drink, I used it as an excuse to eat lots, and lots, of candy. My sugar intake must have tripled because now I sought to reward and comfort myself with snacks. Candy, ice cream, cupcakes…you name it, I ate it. I had replaced one vice with another. But I gave myself some grace and decided to focus on just one thing, not drinking alcohol. Thankfully those cravings subsided naturally on their own, but it was eye-opening to see I still didn’t know how to reward and comfort myself.
As the days ticked past, faster and faster, I began to take all of the space cleared up by the mental gymnastics of drinking (Where is my next drink? How many should I take? How will I get home? How many can I have before I have to stop to drive? Do I have any at home? Do I need to go to the store? What time do I need to function tomorrow? How late can I stay up?) and figure out new ways to reward myself. I learned that boat rides are still the closest thing to heaven for me, and the feeling I get on a boat is exactly the same sober as it was with a cocktail in my hand. I learned that a good night’s sleep is not only possible but so incredibly amazing that I will do almost anything to attain it. That feeling of waking up with both eyes open and no question of how I got home is priceless. I learned that without the constant nagging in my mind to figure out when and where my next drink is, I have so much time to think about whatever I want! I went ahead and finished that book I had been talking about for decades. My coaching business began thriving better than before because I had 100% to give my clients when they needed me, not just during specific business hours when I wasn’t drinking but still processing the booze from the night before. And I am so proud of that. I am constantly surprised by how great it feels to say I am “here any time you need me” and actually mean it.
And most of all, the one thing that would say I have learned the most over the past year, the most shocking and unexpected thing I have figured out and had to come to peace with, is this: it’s exactly the same. The time with my friends is exactly the same; I laugh so hard I cry. The time with my family is the same, turns out I can tolerate them without a drink. I still go to happy hours, and with an AF beer, I fit right in, and you know what? It feels exactly the same. I make great business connections and meet incredible people and leave with a face aching from smiling. I still stay up way too late, lost in conversation that can only happen after the sun goes down, conversations I thought I had to be drinking for. Nope. It’s exactly the same. The dinners, the jokes, the everything… it’s exactly the same. I don’t feel like I am missing out on anything; none of my friends cut me out because I was suddenly boring, and I am not only able to get more done, but I think, no, I know, I am better at all of those things and more. Instead of being the butt of every joke the next morning during debrief, now I am the one telling stories about my drunk friends. And it’s hilarious.
The biggest change was, and is, finding new ways to reward myself and new ways to cope when things don’t go the way I want. I run now (so typical, I know). I still spend the whole way to the gym fighting the same voice that used to help me make drinking plans, now trying to get out of going, but when I leave, I feel amazing. I feel calmer, more in control, and strong. I’ve replaced the sugar and booze with coffee. Still a drug but one with side effects I am much more equipped to handle and manage. It seems I am still obsessed with always having a drink in my hand, but now it’s coffee, sparkling waters, and AF wine, champagne, and beer. And so what? To me, the AF stuff tastes exactly the same (the jury is still out on red wine, I admit), and I get to maintain my sobriety. It’s the greatest win-win I can imagine.
After a year, I can say it does feel like just another day, and I am so thankful for that. I didn’t quit drinking because I hated my life; I just hated myself in it. I’m glad that, for me, sobriety kept all the good things and eliminated much of the bad and has taught me how to deal with myself better. Smarter. Being alcohol-free help clear your head, especially if you are dealing with grief or going through a difficult time, even if just temporarily. If you are grieving a relationship or your old life and are ready to create your new one, please contact us and share your story!
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